House rules for housemates: how to make them work

House rules sound like something from childhood. But in shared housing it is precisely the unspoken expectations that cause problems. Making a few agreements explicit prevents 90% of conflicts.

And no, it does not need to be a strict rulebook. A few clear agreements written down (or in a WhatsApp group) are enough.

Why bother with house rules?

Everyone has a different idea of "normal." You think it is normal to do the washing-up the same evening. Your housemate thinks the next morning is fine. Neither is wrong, but if you never discuss it, the frustration builds.

House rules are not about control. They are about clarity. When everyone knows what is expected, nobody has to guess.

The five things you always need to discuss

1. Cleaning

This is the number one source of conflict in shared houses. Two systems that work:

The rota. Each week someone is responsible for a specific task: bathroom, kitchen, hallway, toilet. Hang the rota in the kitchen or put it in a shared app.

The standard. No rota, but a simple rule: clean up what you make dirty, the same day. This only works if everyone has the same threshold for "dirty." In practice, a rota works more reliably.

Whichever you choose, make it concrete. "Clean the kitchen" is vague. "Wipe the counter, clean the hob, empty the bin and mop the floor" is clear.

2. Noise

Discuss until what time it is acceptable to play music, make calls or have guests. Most houses work with a rule like "quiet after 22:00 or 23:00 on weekdays." That does not mean dead silence, but it does mean being considerate.

Working from home makes this more relevant. If your housemate has video calls in the living room every day, that is something to discuss if you also use that space.

3. Guests

How many nights per week can a partner stay over? If someone's partner is there five nights a week, they are effectively an extra resident who does not pay rent or contribute to household costs. Discuss this upfront.

The same goes for groups of friends. A gathering on Friday evening is sociable; if it becomes a weekly party until 3 AM, you need agreements.

4. Shared costs

Who pays for what? The most common systems:

Everything separate. Everyone buys their own groceries, toilet paper and cleaning products. Simple but sometimes impractical.

Household kitty. Everyone contributes a fixed amount monthly (for example 25 euros) for shared items. One person manages the pot or you use a shared account.

Cook together, split the bill. If you eat together, track costs with Splitwise or Tikkie and settle monthly.

Whichever system you choose, make it explicit. Nothing is more irritating than realising you always buy the toilet paper and your housemate never does.

5. The kitchen

The kitchen is the centre of shared living and the place where most friction builds up. Agreements that help:

• Washing-up the same day (or evening)
• Label your own food in the fridge (or agree to share everything, but agree explicitly)
• After cooking: clean the counter and hob
• Regular fridge clean-outs (include this in the cleaning rota)

How to make house rules

Schedule a house meeting

Sit together with all housemates, literally at the table. Make it a relaxed evening with food and drinks. Work through the topics and write the agreements down. Give everyone space to contribute.

Write them down

Put the agreements in a shared document (Google Docs, notes app, WhatsApp group description). Not as a legal text, but as a simple list. For example:

• Cleaning rota on the kitchen wall, rotates every Sunday
• Quiet on weekdays after 23:00
• Partners maximum three nights per week
• Household kitty: 20 euros each per month, managed by whoever agrees
• Kitchen cleaned up within two hours of cooking

Evaluate every few months

Lives change. Someone starts working from home, someone gets a new partner, someone has a stressful period and lets things slide. A check-in every two to three months prevents old agreements from going stale.

What if someone does not stick to the rules?

Before escalating, a direct low-key conversation works best. "Hey, I noticed the kitchen has been messy a few times after you cooked. Can we check in on our agreement?" Most situations resolve this way.

If it keeps happening: bring it up at the next house meeting so it is not one person versus another. For more guidance on this, see our article on resolving housemate conflicts.

For a complete picture of what formal house agreements can look like in Dutch law, and what hospita arrangements mean legally, see our overview on hospita house etiquette and unwritten rules.

On Huismaatje, house profiles include a description of the house atmosphere and existing agreements. Reading that before the viewing helps you judge if the dynamic matches what you are looking for.

Frequently asked questions

Do house rules need to be in writing?

Not legally, but practically yes. Written agreements avoid "I never said that" situations. A shared notes file or WhatsApp message that everyone has seen is enough. You do not need a formal document with signatures.

What if one housemate refuses to participate in making rules?

That refusal is itself useful information. Ask why. Sometimes it signals that someone expects to leave soon and does not want to commit. Sometimes it means they have bad experiences with rigid rules. Understanding the reason helps you decide if this person will be a workable housemate.

What if I moved into an existing house that already has rules?

Then the existing rules apply to you too. Read them before you move in, not after. Ask during the viewing if there is a house agreement. If you disagree with any of them, raise it before signing, not after moving in.

Is a cleaning rota better than a standard approach?

For most houses, yes. The rota removes the ambiguity about whose turn it is, and it distributes all tasks fairly over time. The standard approach ("clean what you mess up") works only if everyone has the same sensitivity threshold, which is rare. Rotas cause more paperwork but fewer arguments.

What if the house dynamic changes when someone new moves in?

Expect a settling-in period of one to two months. New people bring different habits. Rerun the house meeting with the new person included, review existing agreements, and give everyone a chance to say what matters to them. This is much easier to do early than six months in.